Underdog upsets & mind games · Superhuman
Denji vs Deadpool
Two broke, immortal disasters with blades, arguing over the last hot dog in Tokyo.
Tale of the tape
| Chainsaw Man | Universe | Marvel |
|---|---|---|
| Superhuman | Tier | Superhuman |
| Chainsaws from his body and a refusal to stay dead | Strength | A healing factor that makes him nearly unkillable |
| Gets distracted by food and dreams | Weakness | Will not stop talking |
| 0–1 | Record on Versus | 1–1 |
The Arena
Deadpool was in Tokyo for a job he had already forgotten about, and he had just ordered the last hot dog from a street-food stand when a scruffy young man with sharp teeth snatched it out of his hand. “Mine,” said Denji, cramming it into his mouth.
Deadpool stared, then turned to an invisible camera. “Okay, he has to die now. Readers, you saw that. That was justified.” Denji pulled the cord on his chest, and chainsaws erupted from his head and arms. Deadpool drew his katanas. “Oh, I love this guy already.”
Round One
Denji attacked like a whirlwind of chainsaws, all teeth and noise and no technique whatsoever. Deadpool parried with his katanas, sparks flying, and cut Denji’s arm off at the elbow. Denji drank some of Deadpool’s blood from the street and grew it back.
Deadpool was impressed. “Oh, a healing factor too! We’re basically twins.” Denji was not listening. He was too busy trying to saw Deadpool in half, which he managed, briefly. Deadpool’s two halves kept complaining until they reattached.
Stall owners fled, a cart of takoyaki rolled into the gutter, and somewhere a man filmed the whole thing on his phone, shouting that this was going to be his best video ever.
The Turn
They tore each other apart for ten minutes, cutting off limbs, sawing through torsos, and growing everything back. The street-food market was demolished. Neither of them could stay down for long. It was the messiest, loudest and least productive fight Tokyo had ever seen.
Deadpool realised they could go on forever. So he changed tactics, which for Deadpool means talking. He started telling Denji about all the food in New York, the pizza, the tacos, the endless hot dog stands. Denji slowed down, his chainsaws idling, drool at the corner of his mouth.
The Finish
While Denji was distracted by the description of a pastrami sandwich, Deadpool pulled the cord on Denji’s chest the wrong way, and the chainsaws sputtered and retracted. Then he hit him over the head with a frozen tuna from a nearby fishmonger.
Denji collapsed in the wreckage, dazed, a lump growing on his head. Deadpool sat down next to him, pulled a slightly crushed hot dog out of one of his pouches, and split it in half.
“Here,” he said. “Truce?” Denji stared at the half hot dog like it was treasure. “You had another one this whole time?” Deadpool shrugged. “I always have another one. It’s my superpower.” They ate in silence, two broke idiots in the ruins of a market, and it was honestly the nicest lunch either of them had had in months.
The verdict
Deadpool wins
Two immortals with healing factors could fight forever, but Deadpool is the more experienced fighter, a better swordsman, and smart enough to stop fighting Denji and start distracting him.
- ExperienceDeadpool has decades of combat experience; Denji has raw instinct.
- SkillHe is a far better swordsman and tactician.
- PsychologyHe exploits Denji’s weakness: food.
How the rematch could go differently: A Denji in his full Chainsaw Man form, the devil whose power can erase concepts, would be a nightmare Deadpool could not talk his way out of.
Who do you think wins?
Who would win in a fight between Denji and Deadpool?
Deadpool wins. Two immortals with healing factors could fight forever, but Deadpool is the more experienced fighter, a better swordsman, and smart enough to stop fighting Denji and start distracting him.